Friday, May 13, 2016

Those emotionally taxing weeks...

As I sit here on the most comfortable, saggy couch, I just watch my blinker blink on and off. On. Off. On. Off. This week was emotionally hard. The last week of a semester always seems to be more difficult. Things come to an end, paperwork FLOODS your desktop and mind, and I had to rely on a number of people to get a few things done in order for me to finish the semester with an actual grade, not an incomplete. Relying on others is not my thing. I am so Type A, that I need to be able to take control of everything I am responsible for and relying on others flat out stresses me out.

At the beginning of the week I had some extremely sad news that I am not allowed to talk about. That news weighed heavy on my mind all week. Stress + bad news = not a grounded Caitlin. Yep, I just spoke wrote in the third person. Awesome.

Then I logged in to Facebook after a long Thursday with my kids, where we spent the entire afternoon at a local park, to see that someone I went to high school with lost his 15 month old son. There is something in me, and probably most people, that simply cannot handle hearing about the loss of a baby, kid, anyone sort of young. But, 15 months old. I have not been able to stop thinking about that sweet little boy since I heard the news. I do not know what happened to him, but I can't even imagine the pain they are going through right now.

I find myself going down the rabbit hole of "survivors guilt" of some kind. I couldn't help but think that while I was spending the day with my children at the park, someone I know was losing their child and experiencing grief that no parent should ever have to go through. Like, why? What kind of sick world do we live in where the universe takes babies? And GOD HELP ME if anyone ever tells me that "my child is in a better place" if their 'place' here on earth wasn't plagued with sickness. Even as a therapist, I do not think I could ever come up with the right words to say to someone who has lost a child. If you are the praying type, can you send a prayer into the universe for this family, I am sure they could use it. If you are the good vibes type, will you send out some good vibes?

Hold your babies a little tighter tonight and give them some extra hugs and kisses. 

May your weekend be rejuvenating and your week be bright. 

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